I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
