Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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