dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
