i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
