So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
