My nipple is on Facebook.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
