Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to align my fucking chakras
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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