I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
