Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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