I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
