I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
