direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
