btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
