D3 body, D1 cock
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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