So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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