He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My bed smells like the plague
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
