I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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