M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Randomize
