Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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