Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
