I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have demons in me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We don't watch enough power rangers
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
