Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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