Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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