Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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