OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
