We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
