how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
