My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
