Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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