your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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