I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
