I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
