Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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