Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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