Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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