My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
