and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
