I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
