Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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