Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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