Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
