oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
