you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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