Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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