I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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