im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
