After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
