my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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