it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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