The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
